Friday, August 20, 2010

Tea Party Contract

This is not mine.  I did not create it.  I do not know who did.  But I like it.  It's been kicking around for awhile, but in case you have not seen it...


I, ________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following: 

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following: 

  • Social Security 
  • Medicare/Medicaid 
  • State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP) 
  • Police, fire, and emergency services 
  • US Postal Service 
  • Roads and highways 
  • Air travel (regulated by the socialist FAA) 
  • The US railway system 
  • Public subways and metro systems 
  • Public bus and light rail systems 
  • Rest areas on highways 
  • Sidewalks 
  • All government-funded local/state projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations) 
  • Public water and sewer services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!) 
  • Public and state universities and colleges 
  • Public primary and secondary schools 
  • Sesame Street 
  • Publicly funded anti-drug use education for children 
  • Public museums 
  • Libraries 
  • Public parks and beaches 
  • State and national parks 
  • Public zoos 
  • Unemployment insurance 
  • Municipal garbage and recycling services 
  • Treatment at any hospital or clinic that ever received funding from local, state or federal government (pretty much all of them) 
  • Medical services and medications that were created or derived from any government grant or research funding (again, pretty much all of them) 
  • Socialist byproducts of government investment such as duct tape and velcro (Nazi-NASA inventions) 
  • Use of the internet, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking 
  • Foodstuffs, meats, produce and crops that were grown with, fed with, raised with or that contain inputs from crops grown with government subsidies, or which were subsequently inspected by any branch of the government 
  • Clothing made from crops (e.g. cotton) that were grown with or that contain inputs from government subsidies 
If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care.
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to: 

  • Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History 
  • The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments 
  • The government-operated Statue of Liberty 
  • The Grand Canyon 
  • The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials 
  • The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery 
  • All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC 
I will urge my member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America. 

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army. 

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees. 

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks. 

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die. 


_____________ _________________________ 
Signed Printed Name/Town and State

No comments:


it's your hair that i notice first
streaked with morning
it frames your face
you lying there eyes closed
soft breath not quite there
i follow its path as it bends the sheet
and i can touch you there
touch what i feel is you
in the spark of daylight
you'll rise
pull on the wrinkled shirt from last night
say something you think is beautiful
drink some coffee
from behind my paper
and drive away,
leaving a kiss on my lips
and a hole in my heart
where a fire ought to be

Favorite Films

  • The Wizard Of Oz
  • Amelie
  • The Princess Bride
  • Casablanca
  • Annie Hall
  • The Lord of the Rings
  • All That Jazz
  • Citizen Kane
  • Love Actually
  • Moulin Rouge
  • Big Fish
  • When Harry Met Sally
  • Almost Famous
  • Bull Durham
  • Notting Hill
  • Apocalypse Now (Redux)
  • Magnolia

All-Time Favorite TV Shows

  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Gilmore Girls
  • M*A*S*H
  • The West Wing
  • The X-Files
  • The Daily Show
  • Ally McBeal
  • Picket Fences
  • All In The Family
  • Seinfeld
  • The Mary Tyler Moore Show
  • Star Trek
  • Firefly
  • Wonderfalls
  • Northern Exposure
  • Get Smart
  • The Dick Van Dyke Show
  • Twin Peaks
  • The Larry Sanders Show
  • Monk
  • Felicity
  • St. Elsewhere

Current TV Shows I Enjoy (in no particular order)

  • Perception
  • Major Crimes
  • American Horror Story
  • Louie
  • Suits
  • The Newsroom
  • Falling Skies
  • Franklin and Bash
  • Veep
  • Scandal
  • Fairly Legal
  • Girls
  • Don't Trust the B---
  • Justified
  • Portlandia
  • Psych
  • The Middle
  • Person of Interest
  • Happy Endings
  • Hart of Dixie
  • Real Time with Bill Maher
  • Nikita
  • Raising Hope
  • Castle
  • Drop Dead Diva
  • Covert Affairs
  • Elementary
  • Rizzoli and Isles
  • Revolution
  • The Last Resort
  • Alphas
  • SNL
  • Revenge
  • Community
  • Suburgatory
  • New Girl
  • Once Upon a Time
  • Grimm
  • Nashville
  • Downton Abbey
  • Smash
  • Homeland
  • Fringe
  • Glee
  • Haven
  • Community
  • Warehouse 13
  • Modern Family
  • Vampire Diaries
  • The Daily Show
  • How I Met Your Mother
  • The Colbert Report
  • Parks and Recreation
  • Leverage
  • Rachel Maddow Show

xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and